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29 Ways to Look, Act and Speak Like a Colorado Springs Native

Just for fun.

1. If the mountains are on your left, you’re going north.
2. If the mountains are on your right, you’re going south.
3. If the mountains are dead ahead, you’re going West
4. If the mountains are going east, you’re headed for California.
5. Zebulon Pike never climbed Pikes Peak.
6. Tejon is pronounced “tay-hone” not “tee-john”
7. When you live in Colorado Springs, all your relatives and friends will come visit you. Even casual acquaintances you haven’t seen in 15 years.
8. Colorado Springs gets about 300 days of sunshine a year.
9. The other 65 days occur when you have out-of-town guests who’ve heard about the 300 days of sunshine.
10. Wahsatch and Sawatch is not the same street spelled backwards.
11. If you are a golfer, your drives will carry farther.
12. So will your Slice.
13. Use special high-altitude tennis balls or you won’t get a first serve all day.
14. Take all weather forecasts with a grain of salt.
15. If you don’t like the weather, wait 15 minutes.
16. Your favorite cake will come out of the oven looking like your pickup ran over it. Get a high-altitude cookbook.
17. Try not to laugh when someone tells you they live on Teeter Totter Circle, Never mind Lane or Serendipity Drive.
18. If your really want to sound like a native, pronounce Pueblo “pee-eb-lo” and Cucharras “kuh-chair-us” not Cucarrachas, that old favorite Mexican song about cockroaches. We don’t have cockroaches here. Not even in songs.
19. Airport Road does not go to the airport.
20. Fountain Blvd. does not go to Fountain.
21. Academy Blvd. does go to the Air Force Academy. Eventually.
22. For the first few months you live here, you’ll find yourself arriving early for work, concerts, and social engagements. You can get almost anywhere in 20 minutes or less, computerized traffic lights not withstanding.
23. Colorado Springs traffic lights are “coordinated” by a computer.
24. At 6,000 feet altitude, the sun feels stronger and your lungs feel weaker.
25. You’ll also get less mileage from a gallon on gas and more from a Martini. Go easy.
26. People who don’t live here think everyone is an expert skier. Let them.
27. Get a large dog, preferably one with a bandana tied around its neck. He should be carefully trained remove the spleen from anyone messing with your GMC High Sierra pickup truck.
28. Wear a down vest (a must in winter) and hiking boots (the bigger the better).
29. When you’re talking on your CB while driving your pickup to Denver (the Mile High City) or Pueblo (the Steel City) you can tell people you’re from Colorado Springs, “The Springs”, “The Region”, and “Home”